so it's been an amazingly long time since i've last posted.. it seems everyone has quit xanga, and moved to bigger and better things. (myspace, facebook, etc. etc. etc.) i guess that is the main reason i quit posting here, as you can see from my last post. but to be completely honest, myspace and facebook really bore me. hence why i decided to come back to xanga, even though it took me a good 10 minutes to try and remember my username & password. :] anywho, not many of my friends still use xanga, that i know of, which makes this 10x better than myspace. i guess you could say, i like my privacy. so let's update on life.. ill probably get carried away in the topics so i'll just space the different topics out.

not in highschool anymore, proud graduate from fred t. foard, of the 2007 class. since i graduated i've yet to go to college, but that will change in august. we'll just say.. i took a year off, away from school. but the real reason i didn't go straight to college is because i really didn't know what i want to do, or exactly who i want to be. does that make sense? i'm still not exactly sure, but i work in a restaurant at the moment.. been there for almost 2 years, and i know for sure i don't want to spend the rest of my life there. i don't mind the work, i guess.. it's just the people whom i work with, and i wont go into any more detail than that. so ive been thinking/researching/talking about other careers that would maybe be for me. im kind of debating between something in the medical field, or network administration. who knows what that outcome will be. moving on..

i wrecked my old car, october of 2007. that was pretty shitty. my boyfriend at the time let me borrow his car for awhile, but i guess since i was driving his car he felt he could suffocate me with his affection toward me. which if you know me, you know i like my space. so i had to give up the luxury of having a car and just do without. so my brother was nice enough to let me use his car till i saved up enough money to get a new car. which saving money is already hard for me to do, so i had a rough time with that. but finally.. here it is febuary, and i have a new car. its nothing amazing, but i love it. it is a 96' audi a4. 96? yeah.. almost 12 years old, but you wouldn't believe how many of the features it has that make it seem like a younger car. sunroof, automatic seats/windows, heated seats, the radio tells you the name of the song playing (some of the new cars don't even have that) etc. etc. etc. idk, when i first looked at it, i had it in my mind that this would be the car i bought. :] exciting, huh?

so everyone makes new years resolutions and probably 75% of the people who actually try to stick with their resolutions.. fail. well, i'm still going. you always hear how if you set your goals too high, and don't accomplish them, you think you're a failure. well that is why i took the smarter route, and set my goal lower. and eventually ill set bigger goals. my only goal was to be more active. since ive graduated it was a nonstop routine of eat work eat sleep eat work eat sleep.. a continuous cycle that was not healthy-- at all. especially since i ate at fast food restaurants almost every day. so in january i joined a gym, Planet Fitness, and to keep me motivated i joined for a whole year. so they automatically take out money from my checking account. so i have it in my head.. i'm already paying for it.. i might as well go. that way if i ever try to get lazy i'll have that mindset on lock. i've lost 5lbs so far.. which i'm not sure if thats good or bad, but i dont eat out at all anymore.. not fast food, anyway. so this is not only helping me change my lifestyle but it's helping save some money. since i am broke now from buying a car. haha

so i dont really like talking about relationships in blogs, but this relationship is something new and exciting, i just have to share it with people. anyways, i met this new guy, at work.. probably 3 months ago.. or something like that. and i had just broke up with my ex, i wasn't really trying to JUMP right into a relationship with anyone.. so when i first met this guy, he was just someone. no one important, that i put much effort into getting to know, or talking to.. infact, from first impressions.. he wasn't even my type. well then my manager, or i guess she's my "old" manager.. she started to like him. which was cool, i guess.. i didn't like him so it was whatever. and that was the start of our relationship. because she kind of took things to extreme and was kind of obsessing over him, without realizing it. so we kind of made jokes about it. then it became almost and everyday joke that i just had to make fun of him for.. so as the weeks went by, more flirting went on, and people kind of talked about how "we would be cute together". my first thought was, um no. not only because my manager liked him..first. but i didn't think he even liked me, but that was based on his situation. let's just say.. he's coming out of a deep relationship..because i can't really go into any more detail with that. i guess i could, but for his sake, my sake and her sake..i just wont. so next thing i know .. it's new years. and i get a message from him on myspace.. and he gave me his number. how he found my space, i have no clue, but i was a bit excited.. deep down. but i'm jessica, and i don't fall for guys easy, i couldn't let anyone know i was excited. but since i was kind of scared, i didn't call him. i just let it be. which was probably not the smartest thing to do, but things worked out. before i knew it, we started talking more and we became closer. so i decided it was time for us to hang out, outside of work. our first date was nothing outrageous, but something simple.. we went to Tripps and just had small talks about work, and life. well, im not sure how most other girls are, but eating around a new guy, is something i hate doing. im always nervous or i think im going to spill something.. the whole experience is just nerve wrecking. but, with him, things were more relaxed and calm, and i felt.. unusually comfortable. considering.. this was our first actual time hanging out. i guess you could say before the date, i was nibbling on the worm.. i liked it.. but not enough to take a bite.. but the actual date was what hooked me. so let's fast forward a bit.. we still aren't dating, but i guess you could say we might as well be. everyone kind of knows that we will be together eventually.. but right now we are taking things extra slow.. which i like. it gives me more time to focus on him rather than ... how great of a kisser he is, or how good in bed he is.. he's an amazing guy, who seems to put me first. or at least he does a damn good job of pretending to.. he is the only guy that i've met so far who can put up with my stupid mood swings, and not be mad at me for flipping out on him. and even after i flip out, or try to stay mad at him for whatever reason, he knows just how to make me smile. which i love about him. i know this may sound cliche, but he brings out the best in me. he makes me happy, and when im around him, i can't help but smile. i don't think i could say this enough.. he is..simply -- amazing.

well i think i'm almost done for the night.. just a few quotes to end this blog.

"When I say 'I love you', it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and worst of you. & I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are."

Theres a burning in my pride
A nervous bleeding in my brain
And ounce of Peace
Is all I want for you
Will you never call again
And will you never say
That you love me
Just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me
It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things
I didn't do, For you.
Hate me in ways
Yea ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see
Whats good.. For you.

I never thought I'd admit, that I Miss You.